think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
