If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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