I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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