it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
