i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
