My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
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How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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