If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
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Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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