those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
