I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
