When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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