I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I stole a fireplace last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
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