Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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