i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
