I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
