Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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