If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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