I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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