the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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