We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
