He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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