we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
