i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
