she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
