"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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