All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
