Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
