Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
