and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
