I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
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we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking