Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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