since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
