can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
