is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
