ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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