I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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