He felt like a one man threesome
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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