Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
