I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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