I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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