all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
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I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
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He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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