glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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