There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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