hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
