I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
