he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
