if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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