Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
bring money and cleavage
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
