Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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