So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
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Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
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it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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