your room smells of hookers.
And success
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You need Xanax blowdarts
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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