you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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