At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i believe in u and ur pee
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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