There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
