Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
