...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
