forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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