You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
