Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
