I wish I could punch you in the face.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
