Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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