Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
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I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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