allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
