Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
