My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
