i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
